Saturday 14 January 2012

Hope, Faith, Love, & Miracles

When I was 25, I had to have emergency surgery because I had a borderline tumor that engulfed my right ovary, and it and my ovary had to be removed. The doctors told me that I didn't have to worry and that I should be fine to have kids. Less than a year later, a month after marrying my husband, I went in for a check-up and found out I had another growth on my left. I was told that I would have to have surgery and might have to have my ovary removed, therefore I would unlikely have any children. I was devastated. The thought of having a child was so far from my mind before the surgery, but when I found out that I may never have any, I realized how much I wanted to be a mother. It was life changing. I had never prayed so hard for something in my life. I asked and pleaded with God, the universe, whomever, to give me a chance to be a mother and that I would be a really good one if given the chance. That I wouldn't take it for granted, that I knew it would be a miracle if it happened.

Even though the odds were against me, I had hope and faith that it would work out. Faith is having a belief in someone or something that's not based on proof. It's something I never thought of when I was younger, but it's something I've come to rely on during tough times in my life these last few years. Faith has become such an integral part of my life; believing in something greater than myself leads me to being more spiritual.

The day of my surgery, before I went in, the attending doctor came up to me and said, without me even having to tell her how important this surgery was, “I will do everything in my power to save your ovary.” She told me exactly what I wanted to hear. I went into the surgery and when I woke up the nurse told me, “they saved your ovary”. It was such a relief.

After I recuperated, I told my husband that we would try right away. Here was my chance and I was going to take it. We tried and tried, months passed and I got anxious. I didn't know if I would have any recurring tumors, so we decided to do In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). The cost was quite substantial, but we decided to do it. Unfortunately, the first try failed and it was so hard to cope with the loss. IVF is never a guarantee and the emotions and physical efforts put into it can be exhausting, especially when it doesn't work out. I fell into a depression, we were out of money and I didn't know what to do. The guilt of not being able to have what so many take for granted, was hard for me to deal with. All around me family and friends were having kids with ease, and/or complaining to me about their kids, or asking me why I wasn't pregnant yet, etc...I felt like I could not get away from it all. I needed to take care of myself. That's when I came across this quote,

Act as if everything depended on you, pray as if everything depended on God”

So I did. I decided to take care of myself (I ate better, started jogging, did things that gave me joy), but I also put it out there what I wanted and waited for a sign. A good friend of mine at the time also told me, “if you really want something, tell yourself that it will happen and give yourself a date” and that's what I did. I wrote on a piece of paper “By May 16th 2011...” and stuck it on a picture frame on my desk at work, as a reminder that I would either be pregnant or have a baby by that date. I looked at it everyday and I waited...

"By the end of this year...May 16th 2011"

We decided to try again in June 2010, after I was feeling better. We signed up for another treatment and were due to start in July, but then the government announced that IVF would be free to patients in Quebec and that there would be a waiting list. We called the clinic and were told that they were figuring out the list and weren't taking anyone until it was all done. We didn't know where we would fall on the list, we were told it might take six months to a year. I was sad, but I kept on praying and telling myself that by May 2011 I would either be pregnant or have a baby.

One day early August, this MSN article was the first thing I saw after coming to my desk after lunch. It was about a couple who had 3 babies in one year. It felt like a sign. Especially the part in which her friend says, “If you want to be a parent, you will be a parent.” When I read that, I felt like she was talking to me. That day, I called my husband to call the clinic and see how the list was going. After a work meeting I got back to my desk and there was a message. I will never forget it. My husband had called the nurse to ask if they were close to figuring who got to go first and she asked for my name and number. The message was from the nurse, “I looked at your file, and if you want, you can come in to start treatment tomorrow.” I literally jumped out of my seat.

I started a new treatment that week and after all the medications, I was able to get two eggs and only one fertilized. When I went in for the day of transfer, the doctor told me, “it only takes one good one” with a smile. I will never forget that. The wait for the pregnancy blood test was two weeks, but I couldn't wait. During that time, I had two dreams that I was pregnant, one where I was dancing and holding my belly, and another of the baby in my belly. A few days before my blood test, I did an at-home pregnancy test and it came out a light positive. I woke my husband up and told him. We were quietly excited, but I didn't want to jinx anything. Everyday until my blood test, I did a test. And everyday it came out darker and positive. When we got the official results we were over the moon. 
 
 Positively amazing!

Today, I have a beautiful baby boy. And he was born in May 2011 by the way. I know people may think that it was all a coincidence that he was born the month that I wished for, especially since I was the one who called for the IVF. But I really believe that my hope and faith, coupled with the collective hope of my husband, our parents, our friends and those that knew and loved us wished for us too, the love I had planned for this child and the love from our friends and family. And all those little signs I saw and reacted to, was was brought me to where I am today.

And even when he cries incessantly and it gets on my nerves, I remind myself of what a miracle he truly is. And I am so grateful that I asked and prayed, and when given the chance, I acted on it.

Act as if everything depended on you, pray as if everything depended on God”

If you really want something, with all of your being, you can have it, you just have to keep the faith. Visualize what you want, feel the emotions that come with having what you want, write it down, and put it out there. Tell someone, so they can ask for you too.

Don't give up, because what you want might be closer than you think. And it doesn't matter how you get there, as long as you get there. The path it takes may not be what you planned, but it really doesn't matter. You just need to believe, I know, because it happened to me :) 
 
MJ at 6 months

6 comments:

  1. This post made me cry! I love you guys so much. You are such fabulous parents and that sweet MJ is so very precious.

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    1. We love you too Tin! We are so glad you are MJ's godmother. Can't wait to visit with you guys in Manitoulin again :) xoxo

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  2. That's amazing sharon! I didn't even know you went through all of that! I'm so happy for you and ren and my cute little nephew Myles!! That was very emotional. I'm so happy that you are happy.

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    1. Thanks Jen! I never spoke about it at the time, because it was very difficult for me. But now that he's here, I want people to know that dreams can come true :)

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  3. ~Congratulations! He's gorgeous!! I'm a friend of Christine's from Manitoulin Island, btw. I am very happy for your success and wish you and your family all the best in the coming years. It warms my heart to see such deserving families receive their miracles. Sending love, hugs, & Nimkee-Blessings in endless abundance your way! Stay positive, I believe in it's power :O)

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    1. Thanks so much for the kind wishes! We are truly blessed for sure :) By the way, I looooove Manitoulin. It holds such a special place in my husband & my heart. It's also the first family trip we took with our son. Thanks again & blessings to you to! :)

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